Journals 1991 – Present

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January 2, 1991 – 7:45pm

[Ok – Here it goes.  This isn’t actually my very first entry, but the first one was so idiotic it was too embarrassing to post.  Keep in mind that I was seventeen when I wrote this.  I’ve edited out some of the really terrible parts and of course the names are changed to protect the innocent.] 

2ndday of 1991.  The years been shitty so far.  I’m doing homework – or was doing homework.  That has to tell you something.  This is the first time this year.  I have so much fuckin’ work to do!  I’ve been working for one hour –with dinner – and that’s enough for me.  I want to call Mason but if mom catches me on the phone I’m dead –really.  I spent ALL of yesterday on the phone.  Rachel’s party was ok – kind of boring.  I treated Tyson like royal shit!  He’s pissed!  Of course he forgave me – what a sucker!  After the “party”, (only Michelle and John showed).  I went to Mason’s and stayed there till 3:00am.  I really like being with him.

My brother Rich really pissed me off at dinner.  He said how everyone on the lighting crew [at school] makes fun of Mason because he’s a pushover.  Then he called him a wimp.   I said “this coming from the guy who can bench an overwhelming 42lbs.” I don’t think you have a lot of room to talk about wimps”.  That pissed him off a lot.  You know – the male ego is a fragile thing.  He got all teary eyed and called me a bitch.  Dad changed the subject quickly.  I heard Rich talking to his friend Jason on the phone about doing drugs.  I don’t think he will.  Rich is an independent guy.  Jason was going to go to see Iron Maiden with us but he got “better seats”.  Rich was pissed.  Jason didn’t want to go with us because Mason’s dad is going.  Mason’s dad loves Maiden!  I’m glad Jason’s going with someone else.  I don’t want him smoking weed in my car for Christ’s sake anyway.  Well back to Mason.  He is kind of a push over but I kind of like that about him.  He doesn’t have the typical make ego.  In fact he kind of has an inferiority complex.  Well I can’t handle this anymore.  I have to get on the phone!  I don’t care what mom says.  I’m addicted!  Maybe I’ll get my applications ready first.  See ya.

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1/4 & 1/6/1991 9:40pm

1/4/1991 – 9:40pm

Well here I am again.  I stayed home from school today.  I have a nasty cold and temp.  I must be very sick.  I cleaned my room.  I mean I really cleaned it.  I was supposed to go over Mason’s tonight and Sean was going to come over later.  I blew them both off.  Both are pissed.  Tough shit!  I’m sick for Christ’s sake.  I had the whole night for myself.  It was great!  Mom and Dad are at Perrson’s for dinner. Rick and I ordered pizza.  It was fun.  We just hung out.  It wasn’t too fun though.  I don’t feel very well.  Tomorrow I go see Les Miserables with Sean.  It should be fun.  We’ll see.  John goes back in three days.  He really doesn’t want to go.  I think he knows that we will grow further and further apart and I know we will.  I’m waiting for Mason to call but he may be too pissed to return my call.  He shouldn’t be.  If he is, I’ll tell his ass off.  Well I don’t have much to say.  I think I’ll try and get some sleep.  Maybe Mason will call – Ha Ha.  See ya.

1/6/ 1991 – 12:20am

“Love is the Garden of Youth”. Isn’t that the greatest?  It’s from Les Miserable which I went to see on Broadway today with Sean and his parents.   The play was beautiful.  As far as Sean goes, it went well.  He told me he had fun.  That’s all that really matters.  I think he really did.  On the way home from the train station in the car, he fell asleep in my arms.  It was really wonderful of his parents to treat me to such a day.  After we got back from the show, I went to the Sunset Diner with Mason.  Mom was annoyed.  She said “how can you go from one boy to another like that?”  “It’s easy” I said (which isn’t really true).  I’m beginning to get quite attached to Mason.  Yesterday he said he hates it when I make Sean out to be a god.  He says I do it all the time.  Funny….I didn’t even know I was doing it.  We kind of got in a mini fight.  I think I’ve made a very important decision about Mason and me.  I think we could be really good together as a couple.  I’m not telling him my decision until I’m absolutely sure.  That would be the biggest mistake of my life if you know what I mean.  Well not much more – see ya.